I hope you enjoyed your summer break last month because the first thing I got for this month was “all hell’s breaking loose.” I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear. It’s not what I wanted to see! But it’s clear we’re in a powerful collective cycle right now and what we want personally does not carry a lot of weight at the moment.
That will change. But not just yet. I had a great conversation with my friend, Lauren, the other day. We were exploring how our expectations not only set us up for disappointment but keep us from our true feelings. I just moved back to Ashland, Oregon and bought a lovely condo with a spectacular view. I found out too late that there had been a cat living there and I have allergies. I’ve spent my first month working through this problem. My expectation was that I should be able to move in problem free. By trying to “stay positive” I was missing the fact that I felt really sad about my home being unlivable. Of course, I felt angry, too, but I think the opportunity this month is to face our disappointments and feel the sadness.
In my book, Igniting Change, I talk about the path of pain which starts out in a loving place, but deviates when we become disappointed by expectations that aren’t met. Then comes feelings of sadness. If we don’t address the sadness, we continue down the path through anger, fear and shame. Healing any disappointment comes from addressing the sadness our expectations created.
This month, that is our mission. Heal the pain caused by our misguided expectations. What disappointment are you experiencing? What were you expecting that hasn’t worked out the way you wanted? It might be something(s) personal like expecting to move into my new place without issue or something global like expecting human beings to be better people. Then ask yourself: Who says it should be that way?
Stepping back from our expectations helps us modulate our disappointment. But it also allows us to experience the resonant feelings like sadness. This is the way it is…and I feel sad about that.
Sadness is the gateway to love and connection. Avoiding sadness prevents us from returning to love. This month, I suspect we’re in for some collecting grieving. Instead of resisting it, embrace it. Set up an altar with a bowl to hold our collective tears. Light a candle. Say a prayer. Grief connects us. Think of the global connectedness on 9/11.
This month, our strength lies in being vulnerable. Sadness is not the end of the road. It’s a gateway to something more.
Anna Francesca Celestino is an intuitive coach and author of the book Igniting Change. She has a gift for untangling emotional issues which she’s applied to The Emotional Workout. Six simple questions to find out what’s been stopping you and one question to turn it all around. Download your free copy now.